LES GRANDS BALLETS CAISSE-NOISSETTE WITH A LOGE AND A VIRUS

I love this ballet! I have been probably 8 times, and 4-5 times with my daughter. It hardly changes from year to year, which for a time disappointed me, but I enjoy now very much, as a tradition.

This year, a few additions were made possible. Firstly, the offer was for a loge, first row, was mentioned on renewing my subscription. Second, we went early for the "pre-show". I hadn't really known what it was, but it was a lively bilingual dramatization of the story of the ballet, with a lottery and one lucky winner got to be a mouse on stage in the first act! Lastly, my daughter had a cold, but she was pretty great and barely coughed. We were prepared though and had room for a pharmacy!

The curtain, romantic and familiar

Tic tacs, tissue, hand gel and water

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

First DECEMBER 25 Christmas Day, Christmas Dinner
Second DECEMBER 26 The Feast of Stephen, the first martyr,  the first feast: leftovers to the poor. Modern Boxing Day.
Third DECEMBER 27 St John's Day (only apostle that was NOT a martyr)
Fourth DECEMBER 28 Feast of the Innocents, the second feast
Fifth DECEMBER 29
Sixth DECEMBER 30
Seventh DECEMBER 31St Silvester
Eighth JANUARY 1 Feast of the Circumcision of Christ, the third feast
Ninth JANUARY 2
Tenth JANUARY 3
Eleventh JANUARY 4
Twelfth JANUARY 5 End of Christmas, Shakespeare's famous night, time to take down your decorations
JANUARY 6 Epiphany

1 A partridge in a pear tree
2 Turtle doves
3 French hens
4 Calling Birds
5 Golden Rings
6  Geese a Laying
7 Swans a Swimming
8 Maids a Milking
9 Ladies Dancing
10 Lords a Leaping
11 Pipers Piping
12 Drummers Drumming

12 days with 12 wishes for the 12 months of the new year

ELATION AND JUBILATION

We humans are a funny lot. When things are calm or good, we have time to complain. But give a guy a car crash, and a girl leaving work an unwanted detour, and the results can be surprising!

I was leaving work a little late, but with all my paper work completed. I had to make a detour to pick up my medical bag at another hospital and then I was on my way home. The trouble was that I had left the house in the middle of a snowstorm, and had managed to forget my charging phone at home. Had I taken the same route home, I wouldn't have had any difficulty, despite the detours, because I know them well. But I was coming from somewhere else, and without my phone, I was at the whim of my tired memory, and poor sense of direction. In a word, I was lost. But I was headed in the right direction, and wasn't finding any indication of blockades, so I kept winding through increasingly familiar streets until I was hopeful to be on my way to the highway when I saw a car parked in a snowbank. The driver was in the car, not indicating any need for help, but as I passed, it was clear this was not intentional. So I stopped and offered my help, and most importantly my shovel, which the driver was not in possession of. The car had the same system as mine to turn off traction control, which I had been reminded of earlier on my way in when I struggled up a hill on my way to work, so I turned it off, but with the wheels clear, there was no movement. I kept trying to shovel, with the gentleman taking it from me to do the bulk of the work, but it wouldn't budge. But by then another passerby stopped, and we kept shovelling under the car. It was perched on a hard pack of snow, and we were about to lose the third pair of hands to futility, when a fourth man passed by and offered to push. By then the snow was nearly carved out, and the three men on the front bumper pushed as I drove in reverse, and the car was free.

The man dropped the shovel and came at me with his arms wide open and lifted high up in the air. His face was elated and he gave me the biggest hug I have ever had from a stranger with kisses to each cheek until I wondered when it was polite to stop! It was a feeling of jubilation that could only happen in the context of unfortunate circumstances. His accident and my detour led to a triumph, albeit a small one.

So to the man who crashed his Acura tonight, Merry Christmas! Thanks for turning my detour into a triumph of the human spirit! Without your need, my shovel was not useful. Because of your need, my shovel was valuable. Because of our struggles, others came to help. We could not have done it alone, and we were not alone when we needed more help.

I have been reflecting a lot on the bigger ideals of life: resilience, charm, grace, generosity, humility, kindness, patience, loyalty, hope and faith. But it was a surprise to be reminded of other human emotions that I did not realize had value, even if it is not a daily occurence.  My early morning encounter was a fleeting brush with joy and accomplishment. It was definitely worth the detour!

AIN'T AIN'T A WORD

I'm not quite sure how it started, but my daughter has been singing silly songs all week, most of them with the refrain above! I think they must have read it in a book recently, but I have always found the word interesting when adults use it in normal language.

Today I heard a cook talking about her pumpkin cake, and she pronounced it "pun-kin". I love the total lack of self-awareness it takes not to hear it wrong. My daughter is almost finished "correcting" those endearing mistakes, but she still has a few. They are more sophisticated words now: specific comes out "pacific". She sometimes still insists something is "lit-er-al-ly" something, because it sounds like a great emphasizing word, but she applies it indiscriminately to objective and subjective ideas. A precursor to this was "actually". A little trying on vocabulary that will make her a better conversationalist, but adorable while it is a little off the mark.

When she was little, she called the cat litter "glitter", or, my favourite, "glitter box". She's totally corrected that error, and now I miss it.  My life is the poorer for it, but in another sense, it was a phase bound to end.

It reminds me of a Harvard graduation speech I heard by Natalie Portman. I guess that was her alma mater after she was famous for Star Wars. She talks about finding her "meaning in the experience" instead of worry about trophies/prizes, which freed her to chose jobs she was passionate about, and pursue" meaningful experiences". But the most interesting idea was her impression from ballet. Once your technique is perfected, "your quirks or even flaws" are what set you apart. "You can never be the best, technically".  That's not achievable. But she "encourages" us "to develop our own self", because that's what people will remember. Another idea she mentions dovetailed into my ongoing embrace of risk taking, mistakes and potential failure. She says,  she was "so oblivious of her own limits that she did things she was woefully unprepared to do." Her "complete ignorance to" her "own limitations looked like confidence". She goes on to say, " Fear protects us in many ways". What has served her "is diving into my own obliviousness... Your inexperience is an asset, and will allow you to think in original and unconventional way(s). Accept your lack of knowledge and use it as your asset."

So while I used to think my high school beau should know what he is talking about when he tried to apply big words without the proper meaning or pronunciation, now I find the grace to see that he was, like a child, just brave enough to keep learning.

THE GIFT OF THE MAGI

This year I chose to work Christmas, and I didn't come off too badly. I work Christmas evening but not Christmas Day, and I thought that was very fair. After twenty years of working shifts, I have had my share of Christmases off while I was able to choose to work New Years. This year would be the third Christmas since my separation, and my daughter would be with her dad. I have had two years now to see how his side of the family would react, and I knew I would be spending it alone. We have an agreement though, for major holidays, that some part of it is spent with both parents, which usually works. It's usually really last minute though, and my shifts are always preplanned and his family is always last minute, so it's luck of the draw if it works out. I have learned to be flexible, and fortunately my sometimes quite inflexible daughter has been incredible in being flexible too.

This time, unlike last year, no family would be coming my way. This has nearly always been the case. I spent Christmas a lot of different ways over the years. I went home for a while, but it's hard to go home after a while when it never goes the other way. I worked quite a few. I spent one memorable Christmas with cousins in Ontario which ended abruptly when I found out with a desperate message on my answering machine that I was late for my shift and 6 hours away, somehow miscounting the days with families celebrating in different households over several dates!

The first year I was separated, I worked since I didn't have my daughter. She came over with her dad Christmas evening. I made supper and he read The Night Before Christmas. Christmas day, they got up, did stockings and opened gifts and then came over to my place. I thought they would wait for presents, but I didn't have many anyway for me, so it made no difference to my daughter. At the time, her dad didn't have a car, so I drove her and her dad to Christmas with her grandparents and then off to work. It was strange. For 13 years I had celebrated with this family. I had bought any gifts, or made any parts of the meal, or brought the wine. But then it was over. As if, after all that time, I was only ever tied to them through my husband. As if we had no other relationship.

The second year I was separated, I had Christmas off and I had my daughter, and my brother came, and it was wonderful. For the first time in 20 years since I moved to this province, I could make treats that he also would identify as nostalgic.  He brought some old standbys too. We made snowmen and skied. It was the best and most genuine Christmas I had ever had in Montreal!

Again, and as expected it was weird with her dad. But despite it being a one way street, Christmas is not the time of exclusion, at least not for me. So I invited his family, who said an enthusiatic, sure! but they only stayed awkwardly on the couch for a few minutes for the sake of a dear aunt who hadn't been briefed on the exclusions they were invoking when they picked him up. They didn't stay after all.  My daughter's dad was invited, but he also didn't stay for the meal he was invited to, and also didn't say so until he abruptly got picked up before we started the meal. He set up the stockings  at his house before Christmas and explained Santa wasn't real, and exchanged gifts before Christmas, as if to lessen what I had to offer. But these things have to be let go, so that my daughter can celebrate, wherever she goes.

This year, I found a used copy of O. Henry's book of short stories, and for the first time I read my favorite Christmas story to my daughter, The Gift of the Magi. I tried not to embarrass myself with tears, but it is just so moving! These kinds of sacrifices are not seen in this age of credit cards. But they were made with such love.

This story meant a lot more to me tonight.

A few weeks ago, I started thinking about the holidays. I asked my daughter's dad what days he worked the week he had her, I found out that both of us were working the week after Christmas. I was off for the thursday and friday, and he would get Christmas day off, but there was no doubt that Boxing day in the merchandise business was going to be a workday. I offered a colleague to do his Christmas day shift, so that I could be with my daughter while her dad worked. This meant that I would leave work at 1am and return at 8, and that for the first time in a long time, I would work both Christmas evening and day, but for me it was worth the sacrifice. I told her dad that I was able to switch, so that he wouldn't have to worry about it. He got his grandparents to agree to have her the day after.  My daughter wouldn't have to worry about anything. She was taken care of for the week. I would have a little less sleep but would be able to spend time with her eventually, after she spent the holidays with her Dad's family.

Then her dad called tonight. Don't worry he says. I got it switched. I don't work Boxing Day anymore. I felt a familiar pang that Jim and Della felt. Really? I said, incredulous. I had Christmas day off, with an understanding that I would see my daughter on that day, and now am working both evening and day, with little sleep, not to make sure she is taken care of but for no benefit to anyone.
I hope one day she understands what lengths I have gone to to take care of her. I hope she sees what I would do, even if what I do is undone and futile.

THE TAO OF PACMAN

I think some of the best screenwriting is seen on tv, which seems like an unlikely atmosphere, given the immense pressure to produce a weekly script. I saw a recent episode of This Is Us, and yet again the dialogue and story were touching and thoughtful and funny. I am truly amazed!

My favorite thread was a memory of one of the triplets, Randall. He made a poignant statement about pacman while discussing a difficult decision with his wife. He was remembering the hours he played pacman as a kid, and was reminiscing about teaching his daughters to play. He referred to the simplicity of the game. Running from ghosts. Performing the unending "Sisyphean" task of endless eating dots and escaping ghosts, level after level. I thought it was simple and true. It reminded me of the Tao of Pooh, and I thought it was beautifully done. But after Randall speaks, instead of mirroring the sentiment, his wife gives him this look, and asks him what he is talking about. It turned from serious to funny, and their polar opposites played in balance yet again

Still, there is something simple in the game of pacman that echoes some of the truths of the universe. Just keep moving. Avoid pitfalls. If you don't make it, try again. Practice. Practice. Practice.

So to all of those exhausted writers in a room somewhere, trying to think of their next great idea, and refining the stories and conversations of their next show: Keep making magic! I admire your craft!

BUCKET LIST 2018

LIT 66 with nephew as senior February YES!
4th of July in USA NEXT YEAR?
Run half marathon Ottawa Tulip Festival NO BUT SIGNED UP FOR MONTREAL SEPTEMBER
Medieval feast/castle in TO, Brockville Fulford house, Adirondacks (Tom Thompson)?2020
Hike Hautes Gorges and Grand-Jardins ?2020
Stewart hall camp TWO WEEKS
Organize cooking - menu and recipes WOP (work in progress)
Apple picking in Rougement?2019
NYC Central Park, Natural hx museum?2020
Louisville inn with vegetarian menu at 100 St. Laurent, Victorian style B and B half way to QC
Berlin zoo/ Peacock Island YES!(?Ammersee, Cuxhaven, Leibzig, Dresden, Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Munich, Andech)