Wednesday, August 31, 2022

TAKE THE LEAP ! PURPOSE LAB

Sonia Di Maulo called this course Take the Leap. Why? It came from a book she wrote, The Apple in the Orchard. It was endorsed by Ken Blanchard, who wrote:

"Opportunities for growth and learning are all around you - so take the leap, and grow!"

1. Cultivate your decision-making/guiding principles. 

GOAL: Ground ourselves in purpose and prosperity.

A tree with strong roots laughs at storms. Malay Proverb

2. Discover and embrace your superpowers.

We have all Via character strengths. 

They are from 6 virtues:
WISDOM - creativity, curiosity, judgement, love of learning, perspective
COURAGE - bravery, perserverance, honesty, zest
HUMANITY - love, kindness, social intelligence
JUSTICE - teamwork, fairness, leadership
TEMPERANCE - forgiveness, humility, prudence, self-regulation
TRANSENDANCE - appreciation of beauty/excellence, hope, gratitude, humour, spirituality

My top 5 are:
Fairness
Appreciation of Beauty/Excellence
Honesty
Kindness
Love of Learning

3. Explore your Ikigai (Passions and Purpose)

It's a guide, like a North Star, and incredible things start to fall into place. You naturally reframe your focus and energy; doors begin to open you didn't even know existed.  

It supports our one undeniable calling...to be ourselves. 

Your ikigai/purpose, once clear, become core to your essence, your being and your doing.

Understanding the ikigai helps us say yes to the right things and no to the wrong things.

David E. Marlow The Ikigai Guy (LinkedIn)

The visual of ikigai is a beautiful example of a Venn diagram. 
What do you love? What are you good at? What can you get paid for? What the world needs?
What is your passion (energy)? What is your mission (aim)? What is your profession (career)? What is your vocation (calling)?
Your ikigai is in the middle, connecting all these things.

"But there is no reliable shortcut to action. In fact, we may come to recognize that the conversation is the action. Growing in wisdom and compassion is the work. Every thing else is just testing stuff out."

Michelle Holliday

Leap from the comfortable to the uncomfortable.

4. Celebrate your Past and Present, and Ground your Future (Growth Model)

"It doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you don't stop." Confucius

"Each person leaves a legacy -- a single, small piece of themselves, which makes richer each individual life and the collective life of humanity as a whole. " - John Nichols

Tell and share! Living fully every day! Take time to experience ourselves. What makes us happy? What brings us joy?

We are a constant ripple effect.

5. Breathe life in to your living legacy.

You don't become a legend by living in your comfort zone. Start writing your story.

Three parts:

- How you experience yourself, every minute, every hour, every day. 

- How people experience you every minute, every hour, every day. (Does it align with your guiding principles? Are you using your strengths in presenting your authentic self?)

- The benefits you are leaving for yourself and others when you are not there.

Don't worry if your first thought s not your best thought. Write them down anyways!

Yearly living legacy is a compass. It give you a heading. Write something, not necessarily that you think you can achieve, but inspires you, scares you, engages you.

Look for a focus point, not necessarily an end point. 

e.g.  Sonia's yearly legacy

2019 To help 100 people discover, create, embrace, and breathe life into their living legacies.

2020 To help 1000 people discover, create, embrace, and breathe life into their living legacies.

2021 Active 100,000 emerging leaders to discover, create, embrace and breath life into their living legacies by 2025.

Workbook: 

Specific

Measurable

Achievable

Relevant

Time-bound

SMART 1 year living legacy

WRITE THE LIVING LEGACY YOU HAVE IN MIND (5 minutes)

I would like to eliminate the physical clutter around me, and make room and time to evaluate my guiding principles, powers, passions and purpose. I would like to have a house that has a place for everything, and space for another. I would like to have the readiness to spend available time with my daughter and friends, because I have an orderly life with some advance preparations. I would like to continue to have guarded precious time alone with myself, to ski, and hike, and read, and write, and dream. I would like to invest my money wisely in preparation of leaving my job in 5 years, and prepare my resume and 5 year plan to my next phase of life. I want to have my affairs in order so that my death would be planned to minimized the impact on my family when the time comes. I would like to continue to find a common ground with my daughter so that when I am gone, she has a living legacy to admire and follow, as she chooses.

Where do I want to end up on January 31, 2023? 

I will organize each room to have its own items with room to spare in the storage areas I already have (so no room to expand, only to contract) and only have 2 boxes of "craft project items" stored, with the rest recycled or given away or garbaged if need be. I would like to start reorganizing my garden with priority to prepare for next year's growing season, repair the shed and deck, and install a railing for my neighbour. I am enrolled and will participate in a mentorship year. I will update my CV and be ready to submit it to a I will finish my daughter's baby book and the year she was 15, and prepare for the year she was 16). 

Draw your map (vision board?)

Use your own language! "Certified Reinvention Practitioner" "Soul Doctor"

What is my dream? 

Financial freedom

Time to reflect

Healthy balanced life

Advocacy for others for the same

Who do I want to be?

Enough for myself

In community with others

Connected mother

Ready friend

 What do I need to do for myself?

Less stuff

More efficiency

Better habits

 What are my tools? 

Knowledge

Supportive friends

Some financial security

How can I monetize my skills?

Not sure

What is my attitude? 

Hopeful

Tends to the dark ( I blame melancholy but acknowledge it)

Tends to resist (I blame introversion but accept it)

What is my perspective? What are my convictions?

Who are my top five people? Who knows me, and supports me? Who are my "mastermind" group?

Adle, Cindy, Nathan, Holly, Aviva

First Published January 31st 2022

Finally finished August 31st 2022!

Monday, August 29, 2022

THE POWER OF HABIT BY CHARLES DUHIGG

 WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO IN LIFE AND BUSINESS

I read the book, The Power of Habit,  first by listening. I had borrowed the audiobook and there was too much richness in it to leave it there. So I borrowed the real thing, at first just to fill in the visuals that were missing, but as I started to reread, and place sticky markers, I realized I needed to process it a little more.

This year, the library has decided to join with others to do away with late fees. I think it will be mistake. I have never liked to owe the fees, but they were not painful in amount, and apparently they were more essential to my good behaviour than I thought. So I am one month overdue, which has never happened in my adult life before, and I am pretending like I have another month because those are the limits. Meanwhile, I received several email reminders and a personal phone call from Brigitte (which thankfully went to voicemail so that I didn’t have to explain myself), and today I have to end this cycle!

It is apropos, then, that this book is about new habits. The one reality the library has in its favour is that I suspect I cannot win a gift certificate for a local bookstore in the Summer Reads Bingo if I don’t give it back by tomorrow, so here are few thoughts I want to carry with me.

This is book of stories, and the skill of storyteller is evident. I had heard a few of these stories before. How the military stopped riot violence in Iraq by studying the pattern, and doing away with food vendors, basically dispersing an angry crowd before it moved to violence. How unfortunate brain accidents led to our understanding of how the brain was organized, identifying the basal ganglia as essential to habit, with anterograde memory is destroyed. How Michael Phelps swam to an Olympic record essentially blind when his goggles leaked. How Rosa Parks inspired the Montgomery bus boycott that was a turning point in the civil rights movement.

It explains the success of the Saddleback Church, how the law handles addiction, the success of Starbucks, online marketing algorithms, and a number of cautionary tales that vary from London Underground fires to inexcusable medical errors like amputating the wrong limb. It gives concrete steps to changing habits that could benefit us all.

This is the executive summary, kindly reviewed in the Appendix:

Habits can be changed, if we understand how they work.

Cues and rewards are not enough. Only when you start craving the reward will the routine be automatic.

At the core of every habit exists a loop consisting of three parts: a cue, a routine, and a reward. 

With every bad habit, you want to replace the routine with a better one. Simply put:

1. Identify the routine.

2. Experiment with rewards.

3. Isolate the cue.

4. Have a plan

We use our basal ganglia to maintain routines, so that we save our mental energy for more conscious tasks.  

We share this organ with fish, reptiles, and other mammals. It is central to recalling patterns and acting on them. It stores habits as an automatic routine called « chunking », which gets more efficient over time, and conserves mental energy for other tasks. Once our brain recognizes a cue, it triggers automatic mode and which habit to use. The more rewards for a particular behaviour, the more automatic that routine becomes.

When a habit emerges, the brain stops decision making and follows the efficient routine. Bad habits are efficient, but they can be replaced with equally efficient good habits 

We need to find our autopilots and change our behaviour from the unconscious cues that we make conscious for a time.

Experiments show that almost all habitual cues fit into one of the five categories:

Location (Where are you?)

Time (What time is it?)

Emotional State (How do you feel?)

Other people (Who else is around?)

Immediately preceding action (What action preceded the urge)

IN SUMMARY:

Our brain likes automatic behaviour. Bad habits can be changed to good habits by changing the habit loop. Make a new cue. Create a craving for something better. Reward the good behaviour. This is how transformation occurs.

Address an old habit by keeping the same cues and rewards and feed the craving by inserting a new routine.

AA 90 meetings in 90 days is arbitrary and Bill W was agnostic and hostile to religion for part of his life. However, AA works because it identifies the cues/triggers (AWARENESS TRAINING) with a « searching and fearless inventory of ourselves (consider Proust’s questionnaire) » and admitting them to others. Ulf Mueller showed that turning off neurological cravings was not enough to stop drinking habits. Alternate routines were necessary for dealing with stress. This is called a competing response. AA also practices faith, because to change a habit, you have to believe that it’s possible. A community helps change because you believe it others. Commitment to others and accountability helps. 

Planning for failure, and recognizing negative ideas helps.

The power of changing a keystone habit is that that it can create a chain reaction. 

Stories to read and tell:

How a major near Kufa, Iraq kept the peace by teaching habits to soldiers and studying past riots with a simple solution to prevent new ones.

How Henry Molaison (H. M) taught scientists and doctors at MIT how critical the hippocampus was to memory when he lost his in a neurosurgical operation in 1953 following his head injury intended to improve his life to stop him from multiple daily recurrent grand mal seizures

How Eugene Pauly (E. P.) taught researchers in San Diego about the subconscious brain after he suffered from memory loss following viral encephalitis

How Claude Hopkins sold toothpaste so successfully that he created our tooth brushing habit by harnessing a craving for clean teeth

How Procter and Gamble turned Febreze into a success by understanding that bad smells aren’t cues but a clean house is a reward

How coach Tony Dungy took the worst team in the NFL by creating new habits with players established on-field cues (The Golden Rule of Habit Change: Insert a new routine) or how The Bucs won the Super Bowl in 2002 (even if he wasn’t there)

How Bill Wilson fought alcohol addiction with a 12 step program (friends of Bill W) that attacks the habits at the core 

How Paul O’Neill (who later became Treasury Secretary) remade an aluminum manufacturers by focussing on one « Keystone habit « 

How Charles Schulz went from high school dropout to Starbucks top manager by using habit to strengthen willpower

How Martin Luther King Jr. and the civil rights movement changed the social habits of Montgomery, AL

How Rick Warren built the nation’s largest church in the US (while being an introvert!)

How ethics and law see addiction and sociopathy in the context of crime

Sunday, August 28, 2022

STORYTELLING

 Of all the things I have the hardest time getting rid of from my daughter’s childhood, it’s the books. It’s not like they are in great shape, or that they have any monetary value. In fact, it’s so easy to get cheap books, and our library public sale gets cheaper every year.

It’s the stories that I want her to read. The magic of Sherazade’s tales as told by Disney. The rhythmic rhyme of the original Winnie-the-Pooh, so often dumbed down in the modern early readers. The heroic tales of kids stranded on an island who save themselves, or the inspiring women who did amazing things when the odds were stacked against them. 

Thomas King is my new favourite storyteller, and his 2003 CBC Massey Lectures, published as The Truth About Stories feeds an innate obsession with a human need for stories and storytelling. He says « The truth about stories is that that’s all we are. » He quotes Anishinabe writer Gerald Vizenor « You can’t understand the world without telling a story. There isn’t any center to the world but a story. »

The human brain seems to be set up for stories. I know that I have often wished for a brain that retains every word and fact perfectly, but what I do remember are the stories. I seek out podcasts by great storytellers, like Tim Hartford, Michael Lewis, Roman Mars, and Malcolm Gladwell. My daughter, who doesn’t read books as often as I did (we had fewer choices back in those days), gets some her stories from YouTube. She gravitates to the moralistic Dharma series, which is a little too neat for my liking, but I understand the draw for her, and it certainly has relevant talking points to discuss over the dinner table.

This summer, travelling in a van to visit friends and play tourist with my family in Saskatchewan , my parents were full of family stories, triggered by locations they knew people from, or memories that had been made away from home. My neighbour often tells me stories of her like, beginning with a laugh and the opener , « Oh, I haven’t told you that one ? » before she takes a breath and begins the story with delight. 

I love stories, and I respect a great one, but I respect even more that skill that a storyteller can have for telling it well.

Sometimes, I think I am a decent reporter of events, but I have never felt compelling in the art of storytelling. Thomas King is providing some clues in his book to his success, and P.D. James similarly breaks down the formula of the murder mystery in Talking about Detective Fiction (which is better than the very prosaic title suggests).

Each chapter/instalment/story begins with the same way, with a paragraph that repeats. It’s a great paragraph, and it’s a device that works. 

« There is a story I know. It’s about the earth and how it floats in space on the back of a turtle. I’ve heard this story many times, and each time someone tells the story, it changes. Sometimes the change is simply in the voice of the storyteller. Sometimes the change is in the details. Sometimes in the order of events. Other times it’s the dialogue or the response of the audience. But in all the telling of all the tellers, the world never leaves the turtle’s back. And the turtle never swims away. »

At the end of each chapter, he repeats the same four sentences, with a predictable change in a fifth. It is a benediction, an admonition, a challenge.

« Take [sic:this] story. It’s yours…Do with it what you will…But don’t say in the years to come that you would have lived your life differently if only you had heard this story. You’ve heard it now. »

He also says, « You’ll never believe what happened » is » always a good way to start a story ».

He describes his brother telling a story, « drawing out the details, repeating the good parts, making me wait ». 

He continues, « One of the tricks to storytelling is, never to tell everything at once, to make your audience wait, to keep everyone in suspense. »

Again, he contrasts, « Stories are wondrous things. And they are dangerous. »

Then he goes on to tell another creation story he calls Woman Who Fell From the Sky, and outlines the differences between it and the one I know so well from Genesis, and it’s interpretation from my « predominantly scientific, capitalistic, Judeo-Christian world governed by physical laws, economic imperatives, and spiritual precepts ».

In telling it, he takes a story and makes it sound dangerous, and then modifies it to be closer to the truth, but I enjoy the downgrade, because it’s fun. I enjoy the story, not because the story is so extraordinary, but the storytelling is. 

He interrupts his story to make a sarcastic commentary, in case I missed the obvious. But I am laughing, so I don’t feel he is dumbing it down for me, just that he want me to hear the point. 

My daughter would love this story, and I would love to tell it to her, but it won’t be the same. So I have to return the book to the library, and she may never read it, but I have to believe that the story I loved is now a part of me. That somehow, some part of the story will make it to her from me. So that she can see the magic in a story. So that she can see the danger in the story. So that she laugh at the story, and laugh at herself. 

Each chapter begins with the same paragraph. It’s a great paragraph, and it’s a device that works. 

« There is a story I know. It’s about the earth and how it floats in space on the back of a turtle. I’ve heard this story many times, and each time someone tells the story, it changes. Sometimes the change is simply in the voice of the storyteller. Sometimes the change is in the details. Sometimes in the order of events. Other times it’s the dialogue or the response of the audience. But in all the telling of all the tellers, the world never leaves the turtle’s back. And the turtle never swims away. »

At the end of each chapter, he repeats the same four sentences, with a predictable change in a fifth. It is a benediction, an admonition, a challenge.

« Take [sic:this] story. It’s yours…Do with it what you will…But don’t say in the years to come that you would have lived your life differently if only you had heard this story. You’ve heard it now. »

A great idea bears repeating. 

It’s what works for me. The story isn’t about an omniscient omnipresent potent creator god. It’s a series of blunders that we are capable of woven together as a warning and a truth. We come from complicated stories. We are complicated stories. That’s okay. In fact, it might just be the way things are. There is no fall from grace. No stain on humanity. There is acceptance, humour, pain, and grace.

The birth of a twins reflects the way I have been taught to believe to be an Asian look on life: zen, balance, yin and yang. There is a boy, light, right handed. There is a girl, dark, left handed. The right-handed twin smoothed mud into flat land. The left-handed twin stomped and piled the valleys and mountains. The right-handed twin fills strait trenches with water and organizes rivers to flow in both directions. The left-handed twin makes the rivers crooked, fills them with rocks, and lets them flow only in one direction, with waterfalls. The right-handed twin creates forest with trees all lined up, so you could go in and not get lost. The left-handed twin moves the trees around, so that some parts are dense and difficult and other parts open and easy. The right makes roses. The left makes thorns. The right makes summer. The left makes winter. The right, sunshine. The left, shadows. The right creates women, and the left creates men. (Until then, the story did not suit my feminist sensitivity to misogynistic norms, but the last move seems to even the playing field). The conclusion from telling to two stories in contrast leads back to his own personal stories as child. Although we love dichotomies, and « trust easy oppositions…we are suspicious of complexities, distrustful of contradictions, fearful of enigmas. ». It is clear, though, that these enigmas are everywhere. Maybe in them are more authentic stories than the ones we like to tell. 

Maybe at the base of our consciousness, we are all simplifying life to understand it, but a great story teller needs to do better than just making contrasts. As Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie explains in her TED talk The Danger of a Single Story , « The consequence of the single story is this: It robs people of dignity. It makes our equal humanity difficult. It emphasizes how we are different rather than how we are similar ».

Very often, I end a work day buoyed up by the stories that I have heard, even when the rest of the job has taken almost all my energy. I consider myself a decent listener, and a better interviewer, but if I think about the stories I have heard, they are more powerful than most of the people telling them. Once in a while, though, I met a storyteller that could take any ordinary story and turn it into magic. That’s rare, and when it happens, I always wish I didn’t have a job that spurs me on to the next important task, because if I could, I would sit there the rest of the day and listen to them tell me more stories.

My goal is the achieve the grand strokes of telling a decent story that compels beyond the basics, without the crutch of a murder mystery (which I find abhorrent unlike many), but my dream would be to tell a story like the story tellers all around us; in every good book.

A great idea bears repeating. And a good story lives on. It changes you. It displaces a part of you. It transforms you. It creates a new you. Tell your stories to those you love. Write them down. Collect them. Share them. They are, after all, who we are