I started this blog six years ago as a personal journal of things I loved: travel, food and unique experiences. Over the years it has been many things, but for the most part it has been random thoughts that I was expressing to the universe. It was a testimony of some of the beauty and richness of my life. If my house was robbed or burnt down in a fire, it was a safe place to leave a journal. If my daughter grew up and wanted to hear some of my thoughts in the past years, she could, like the rest of the universe, take the time to peruse a few or all of my entries.
This journal was a personal voyage, but one of its best features was its anonymity. My ex-husband, and my good friends may or may not read some of my entries, but they had the good sense to know that it was a private space for my thoughts to go. If they had been at the restaurant, or I had mentioned a topic I had blogged about they would comment. But mostly this was just me talking to myself.
That all changed this year when I had an argument with my parents. What used to be a relationship
of conversations about weather was now no longer enough. So my mom started to read my blog religiously. Maybe my dad too, but he had the good sense or not enough interest to follow along in anything but an appropriately cursory way. My mom, however, hung on ever word, and mistook my ranting as personal intimacy with her. So while our telephone conversations were brief and superficial, she would read my blog and mistake this for a change in our very superficial relationship.
I finally could not write any more, so I took the blog offline to only a private few, but that was unsatisfactory too. Now the thought of a stranger gathering strength or hope or enjoyment was no longer possible, and I still couldn't write. So I didn't for a while. But this act of babbling to the cyber universe is important for me. I enjoy it. It is one of my happy places.
My blog is not under my name. I have posted no photo of myself or daughter unless from behind. For the most part, the comments are rarely personal. I can't unfriend you like I can on Facebook or block you from reading this site, but do not mistake what I say here as a conversation we have had. What we talk about on the phone or in person is our relationship. If it is bad, that may be for a myriad of reasons, not least of which is how you are invading my privacy using this blog. Feel free to follow if you enjoy what a stranger has to say. But I am not talking to you personally, not do I want any comments about how great or terrible my personality or life is based on what I post here. Please respect my anonymity.
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