The last two books I have read were nonfiction. Both of them were powerful stories. But I am left with the strongest impression that they were far from truth. Not because either author wasn't trying to explain the story, but because there were large blindspots in their vision in these highly personal stories.
The first story was a rough one about childhood sexual abuse by a trusted hockey coach, called:
I am Nobody: Confronting the Predatory Coach Who Stole My Life by Greg Gihooly. It's a terrible story of grooming, betrayal of trust, manipulation, painful secrets and repetitive abuse, with its long-term consequences of shame, self-destruction, eating disorders and triumph. But despite it being written by a lawyer, and all his attempts to be fair to himself, and paint a picture of comeback, I was left with a gnawing feeling that the abuse was glossed over, the victim had not reached the relief of moving on from the abuser, and that he had no remorse that his prolonged silence led to multiple other assaults, victims and untold grief. I am sure editing makes some of this impossible to avoid, but I wish I could say I have more sympathy for this story. It was brave and important. Strangely, there is little talk of why he kept going back, how it could have been avoided, and how he dealt with his part in the other victims eventuality by staying quiet.
Still, this is an important book of an important story that should happen to no one. Mr. Gihooly's unique perspective points out the important flaws in our legal system, being both a part of it and, in part, being betrayed by it with the eventual, decidedly weak treatment of his abuser's crimes. He states in his book:
“Make no mistake. We have a legal system, not a justice system. Justice is not guaranteed in a legal system. It is a system that yields legal results in a game played between prosecution and defense with its own set of rules that is in no way related to the reality of what did or did not happen...Once again, Graham had won. I was never going to get anything remotely touching on justice. Not only had he defeated me, but this time he had absolutely destroyed me. Once again, I was a nobody...Simply stated, child sexual assault is the killing of the victim’s sense of self, taking the child’s life as he or she knew it... A life has been taken. It should be recognized as such a crime, and it should be penalized as such a crime.”
Oddly, and hard to reconcile, two other players had already written books: Sheldon Kennedy's
Why I Didn't Say Anything and Theo Fleury's
Playing With Fire.
I am glad to see that there is some atonement and victory in all of this. I don't want to criticize a victim of a crime that never should have happened. I also think it's telling that male victims are the ones writing and publishing their stories. Is it because they were famous or male that they were recognized? Is it because there are too many stories of female based sexaul assualt, or is our culture somehow not listening to female victims? I think I am frustrated in that my hope in reading the book was to better understand how to prevent, recognize, and disclose these things so that it can be less common at worst or avoided at best.
The second story was "
There Are Things I Want You to Know"about Stieg Larsson and Me.
I read the Stieg Larsson trilogy, surprising myself. Not for the faint of heart, the violence in the series would have normally caused me to avoid it, but the main character was so riveting that I read all three. I only understood later that the books were part of a larger vision, not meant to be a trilogy at all, but a series of five or six books. I was unaware at the time that the third book was not completed before Steig's sudden death. Later, I remember some controversy about the books that followed the trilogy, with his common-law partner and family being in dispute over his estate, including his intellectual property.
The title of this book by his partner Eva Gabrielsson is from a letter Stieg wrote to her, thinking of his death on a journalistic trip to a dangerous place, and wanting her to know some things in the event of his death. It is also a tragic book. It was a frustrating read, but it did hold some insights into the places and characters in the books. His protagonist Lisbeth is likened to Pippi Longstockings, which is a comparison I like.
The difficulty for me in reading this book is that the attempt to speak her truth just does not seem believable. I know it was written with someone, and editing doesn't always allow for the truth, but the thesis of how she deserves his legacy is not proven, and much doubt is shed on her arguments to the rights of his property, when so much seems to be poor assumptions on her part.
At the end of it, I didn't find her or Stieg sympathetic. She was often unemployed, justified illegal living arrangements to suit her needs, and he seemed like a self-absorbed slob with a tendency to be a work-a-holic.
Much like Quebec, non-married partners do not have automatic rights to their common-law estates. This seems to be one political weakness that Sweden does not advertise, as their fame as a social state would suggest that this protection should be a logical conclusion.
In summary, I would still recommend both these books worthwhile to struggle though, but much like life, and independent movies outside of Hollywood/Bollywood, there is no happy ending for either, but the struggle is an interesting read for both of these authors.
Finally, I would point you to an interesting podcast of Out in the Open on the
ethics of lying. It's as thought provoking as the books above. Reading them in sequence has fed my imagination and I have lots to think about still.
