EXPECTATIONS AND A PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE (OR COFFEE DATE DOESN'T GO TO PLAN)

I love the fall. Living in Quebec the last 23 years, I never tire of marvelling at the colours that line our streets and highways. I walk to the train or the library or through a nearby park, and the reds and oranges and yellow and greens are continually changing. Today there are burgundy colours and topless trees, as though giraffes came by and ate only the leaves higher up, leaving only the low lying leaves for today.

View from my kitchen window. My weeds have never looked better!

It has been raining for 24 hours, and the winds have strewn branches across driveways and lawn. Not the best weather to go out in, but not a bad evening to dress up a little warmly, and go for a Starbucks coffee.

Today was a slow start to the day. I changed the batteries in the furnace thermostat (why are rechargeable alkaline batteries 1.4 V when you need 1.5 for remotes and thermostats?) and was woken up in the middle of a hot flash at 3:30 am, exactly 3 hours and 30 minutes into my sleep. It was not because I am hitting menopause, although the thought did cross my mind. It was because the thermostat refused to acknowledge the 24 hours clock, and had start to pump the house full of heat to reach the 20 degrees meant for the afternoon, but inconveniently began in the middle of the night. Needless to say, it took me a while to fall back asleep, and then I was awoken yet again by the early rise neighbour whose car is tricked out like a motorcycle with a muffler that is unnecessarily noisy, before falling asleep for a few more hours. I woke to an alarm that allowed me time to shower and make a coffee, and then I had a meeting that I was able to do from home, saving me a 2 1/2 hour commute.

I had the time to finish a craft Princess Pirate and I had tried yesterday, but failed.

Candy Corn from Rainbow looming

         

I tried a recipe that was made with pumpkin and looked like a pumpkin. It was a hit!

I had my girl over after school with a friend, and they ate celery peanut butter boats and foamed chocolate milk and loved the pumpkin buns. I had a couple dear friends text me as I was thinking about how to describe myself tonight at a coffee date that I did not have high hopes for happening.

When I was asked to pick a beverage of choice, and to meet, I chose Starbucks, and the first available evening, nearly 3 weeks away. I wasn't sure if that would be taken badly, but I am looking for a secure guy, and Nick said great. I picked a place with mugs and have looked forward to a pumpkin spiced latte ever since. We were supposed to meet tonight at 8 pm.

I started watching a movie I have been thinking of since the temperature started falling. It's a fall classic: You've Got Mail.  I ate homemade pizza covered in mushrooms, changed my clothes, primped my hair and face, and walked through a cloud of vanilla perfume. I left without any expectations, and with most of the movie left to watch.

Tall Pumpkin Spiced Latte with whipped cream: 380 calories!

I was just a little early, but found a couple of chairs to save. The crowd was young so it was easy to see I was the first to arrive. We had moved the time to 8 so neither of us would be late. By the time I sat down, I was starting to wonder, but I had brought a book and drawing material, and had a latte to enjoy. A few sips in, and a few minutes after 8, I checked my email. He was making an apology, and excuses, but he wasn't going to make it.

I remember a time in the late 1990s when my friend Lui and I had made plans to meet the next time he was in Montreal. At the time, he was travelling through Europe and the States, and knew he would have the same conference the following year. We made plans to meet, never checked, and we were both there one year later. Times have changed. 

I had a few thoughts about work and dating that I jotted down. I enjoyed every sip of the coffee. I texted with my two friends, and felt grateful for my life, my kid, and the tier of good friends that fill my life with joy and reasons for gratitude. Then I came home and watched the end of this great movie that is a total fantasy, but a wonderful one.

The parallel to my night was my favourite part. When Meg Ryan's character is stood up, her employees/friends try and make her feel better but also make her feel worse! They keep using the phrase she dislikes, "stood up". She makes herself feel better by rationalizing that "something terrible and unexpected that made it impossible for him to call" must have happened, so that she can hold on  to the ideal of this man she has fallen in love with in correspondence. When she worries that maybe "he showed up  and took one look at me and left", her friends reassure that that's not possible, and come up with explanations like, " the train got trapped under ground" and he touched "the third rail" and "he's toast", or he was in a "car accident", or his "elbows are splinted so he couldn't call" or he's "unconscious", "in a coma", "in the intensive care", or he was the "rooftop murderer" and now he's "in jail".  "You are so lucky", they say. "You could be dead."

I am a big fan of principles. I love that Lui kept his word. I am proud that I remembered to bring a coffee mug, in case they didn't have a ceramic one I was hoping for. I would have be impressed if Nick was on time. I was lucky that he didn't show up. He had work going on at his house. I would understand that he couldn't stay. That he came late. I would get if he had rescheduled. Said something like, I need it to be closer to home. It may have to be another day. But he didn't. Everything was okay. The date. The place. Then suddently, it wasn't. Really, it is a gift to know that he lacked the integrity to show up.

When Meg Ryan's character, Kathleen Kelly, has to face the fact that her beloved bookstore has been driven out of business by Tom Hank's character, Joe Fox, her bookkeeper validates that "Closing the store is the brave thing to do", even though she and the viewer knows that she would say the same thing no matter what she chose to do. Kathleen recognizes the grace of the statement, and expresses gratitude, but my favourite lines are what follow,

"You are daring to imagine that you could have a  different life. Oh, I know. It doesn't feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure now. But you're not. You are marching into the unknown armed with nothing." 

So to marching into a brighter future with nothing, but the gift of myself!