SLOW UNPRODUCTIVITY

It has been ten months since I last worked in the health care system, and I am still being told that I am on the resting stage. It is taking so long and the likelihood of me returning to the work that was my passion for over twenty-five years is extremely unlikely. I am not even sure how a return to work anywhere would be possible, honestly, but I am trying to be patient and find myself wandering around aimlessly which is actually putting my home life back together slowly. Very slowly!

My official leave ends at the end of this month (August 31st, actually, but that was a mistake!) and if I imagine returning to work in less than 3 weeks, I have not done enough. I can panic so easily, and avoid the tasks that most need doing. I see the thankless jobs done at customer service desks in grocery stores and wonder how I would even do that without cracking! 

But as long as I have, and in the moments in between when I have to return to useful work, I will enjoy finishing one thing at a time, as it comes. I will enjoy that I can change tasks so that I can do something else even if it's not the most pressing. I will enjoy dreaming of paint colours and inventing things from the things in my house. I will read books and draw and mend and write. I will be silent alone, and enjoy the company of others. I will reach out when it might be inconvenient and have answers for others that they might not want to hear, but I will be okay with allowing myself to do what I feel is best for me. I will negotiate without imploding in childlike helplessness. I will not accept when others cannot meet me where I want them to be, and I will be for myself what I need anyways. I will be open to the love and care of others and learn to trust and be generous again. I will not keep a record of wrongs or add up in a zero sum way. I will believe in growth that is synergistic and not selfish. I will accept responsibility but not be held liable for things that were not under my human control. I will hope for others to love me, and I will learn to love with more acceptance, and continue to improve the way I recognize and communicate my needs. 

I will be happy to serve others as long as I am meeting my own needs first. I hope I can get to the recovery phase soon, but I am grateful to rest a little longer.

SLEEP HYGIENE WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM JAPAN

The idea of a good sleep is based on the premise that your body can rest best when it feels safe.

Here are a few suggestions:

Ofuro (hot bath) T-1.5 hours

Yoruno Sanpo (10-20 minute walk after dinner)

Yomu Jikan (Read a physical book) even 6 minutes reduces stress significantly

Kansha (gratitude)

Early dinner T-3 hours

Spend the evening preparing for bed

Dim light T-2 hours

Digital sunset T-1 hour

Music

Tea

To put it all together, for a 10:30 pm bedtime:

Finish eating by 7:30

Go for a slow walk afterwards, focusing on the things you are grateful for from the day.

Set alarms and get ready for the next day. 

Play calm music and turn down light, and silence alarms, at least by 9:30

Have a bath and/or have a tea

Read for at least a few minutes, even in bed.

MOVIE REVIEW: THE ODYSSEY

 Although the 70 mm IMAX theatres were sold out for weeks downtown, we had our pick of seats in the suburbs, and went to a regular theater to see the show with my  half-Greek boyfriend and his teen kids. 

It was as epic as I could have hoped, and a little safer than I expected, prepared as I was from the parent guide of IMDB for severe violence that was to be expected in a Greek myth. 

I was not aware that the screenplay had been written by Christopher Nolan, whom I knew had directed the film. Although Odysseus was often narrator, most of the movie was a good balance of show, don’t tell. It felt safer to watch as a female than expected, with Calypso prompting Odysseus to tell his story from the unreliable narrator POV that was created for the movie as opposed, and Penelope mostly protected by a decorative sliding door from the rowdy crowds of greedy suitors being kept next door. 

The movie was gripping, and flowed easily until maybe the last half hour of the 170 minutes. I think the battle scenes and how many suitors tried to string the bow could been cut down by at least 20 minutes to the films benefit.

The Trojan horse was beautiful craftsmanship and the exterior and interior scenes interesting, if not a little contrived. The scene with Hades was a little disappointing but Athena was often present and the results of the gods Poseidon and Zeus where evident, with the ship in weather scenes well done, as was the taking of Troy.

All in all, if the story with all is violence is known, I think it was an excellent movie with appropriately epic proportions.

THE BANALITY OF EVIL

 “Evil comes from a failure to think. It defies thought for as soon as thought tries to engage itself with evil and examine the premises and principles from which it originates, it is frustrated because it finds nothing there. That is the banality of evil.”

― Hannah Arendt, Eichmann in Jerusalem: A Report on the Banality of Evil